Kerouac vs Green Gables

I’m such a slacker. I obviously haven’t updated my blog in a while- I know that probably disappoints all 3 people who read it so I thought I would repent and do better. These last few weeks have been pretty non-stop. I like that because I love to feel busy all the time- It makes me feel productive. A few weeks ago I, and two other swell folks, took a little road-trip to San Diego. I have to say that I love seeing new places. Whenever I’m somewhere new I end up trying to picture my life as if I lived there. I think I could be happy almost anywhere, although Oregon will always have a hold on my heart. I love new places. Sometimes, I picture myself becoming a wanderer who has little ties or roots, but has lived a rich life with lots of interesting travel stories to tell all my nieces and nephews. One thing I really like about road trips, besides the change of scenery, is the time in the car you have to just think. For a lot of the drive home from San Diego I was just sorta thinking about a bunch of stuff that has been rolling around in my head lately. One thing that I came to the conclusion to was how a lot of my life is determined by my loyalties. I’m usually a bit slow on the up-take, so all my friends and family probably already know this about me. (Way to clue me in- Dawn, I’m talking to you. You know you know what I’m feeling better than I do!!!) Anyways, I came to the conclusion that I am defiantly someone who finds what I like and sticks with it. Perhaps it’s my slightly stubborn nature, or perhaps I just like deep connections but it’s just how I am. This is the only way I have come to explain my more lasting relationships with people. Really, is there anything better than knowing someone so well that you become permanent fixtures in each others lives? I love feeling needed and wanted by someone. I like having affected someone’s life just by being a part of it. And vise versa. At the same time, I’m a pretty private person and I have to feel really safe before I commit myself to someone in any capacity that really counts. I think I have been like this my entire life, even when I was in third grade and my best friend was Lucy Meza- We still talk every now and then. I love that I am so loyal, but I have also learned that I need to be careful, I sometimes set myself up to fail when I become so dedicated to someone who is perhaps not as invested as I am. This is a bit frightening to me because I don’t really know how to do relationships any other way. – I guess I’m not very good at the middle ground. I’m sorta an all or nothing’ girl sometimes. I mean really, if someone can’t fully devote themselves to you in a given capacity, be it friendship or more- what’s the point? No thanks- I’ll be fine without. I suppose I watched Anne of Green Gables to much as a child because in my friendships I want Dianna Barry, and in a romantic relationship I want a Gilbert Blythe- someone who is so constant that they conquer death just to prove how loyal they are to you. Yup- I’ll take it. Anyways- I feel like I am rambling. I suppose I’m just trying to reconcile exactly how it is that I sometimes want to wander the world aimlessly and yet, I won’t settle for anything less than devotion and I crave connection. Blah blah blah…. Here are some fun pics. from San Diego: